A Good Weekend

It's going to be a good weekend. It's been a pretty good and relaxing Saturday. I still have to put together my sharing time for tomorrow. But we've all tried to just hang out and relax today.

We're trying to recover from a really busy week. Chris had his awards ceremony this week. He's in the top ten in his class again. James is just trying to get through the year. We've had so much trouble with his teacher this year. He believe that she doesn't like him and I'm beginning to believe it too. She doesn't communicate, she doesn't pay attention to what's going on in class and she doesn't enter her grades so that we can keep up with what he's missing. She also nails him for "missing" assignments that were assigned while he was in LEAP. We're talking with his LEAP teacher about that. It's just so wrong. John is in counseling again. He really enjoys going and I hope we can help him better this time.

Richard didn't come home this weekend. He has final exams next week and so he will spend the weekend making up multiple tests. Boo.

I feel like I want to write, but I feel rather disjointed in my writings. I especially want to write about James's experience this year, but I've started and deleted two posts on the subject. I just can't seem to get it all down the way I want to without feeling like I'm bouncing from point to point to point to point with no real map between them. Maybe I need to put it down in a timeline form or something. Or look back over my blog and see if I've written about it before.

See? There I go again. I guess I'm still just too angry about it to put it into written words properly.

Back to the positives: Chris taught John how to mow the back yard. I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast this morning. I've gotten some laundry done. And I've rested. And that's been the best part of the day.

Hey...since I made breakfast, doesn't that mean I don't have to make dinner?

Blessings from Trials

After my very whiny post of yesterday, I got to thinking about the blessings. There were blessings in those trials of the last week.


There were plenty of people who were willing and able to help us throughout the week. Kathy, Suzanne, Allen, Sabrina and Griff are just a few. I mean really...we could've walked to and from school, but ew! And I couldn't have walked to Chearon (not Chevron) to pick up the car. Even the tow truck driver was friendly and our insurance people called the tow people for me.

But...the biggest blessing of all is that the brakes didn't fail until *after* it was parked in the driveway. Not while I was on my way to school with the boys and most especially not while Chris was driving to or from Target Monday night.

It's so easy to get bogged down in the truly petty problems of the day. Yes, I had to spend $400 to fix the brakes on the car. But...I had $400 set aside for vacation this summer. Somehow or other we'll manage the rest. The blessings will come - and many have already. I just need to remember to focus on the blessings and the lessons - not just the problems.

That's mortality.

That's Mortality

And I don't think I like it very much right now.

Last week was Teacher Appreciation Week. We were treated to yummy-nummy lunches and breakfasts all week. It was fabulous!

Unfortunately, that was about the only thing that went right all week long.

Monday - I don't really remember it. How sad is that? I do remember that I didn't jump in and do FHE. Maybe that was the problem with the rest of the week?

Tuesday - Got in the car that morning, started it up, put my foot on the brake pedal to put it in gear and the pedal went all the way to the floor. Whoops. Everyone back out of the car. Called Kathy to see if she was at school yet. She was close, but not quite so she turned around and came to pick us up. I called the insurance people that afternoon. They called their favorite towing company who bills the insurance first. Had an extra choir practice after school. Got Allen to take John to cub scouts (and bring him home). Kathy gave us a ride home after school. Tow truck showed up and towed the car to the shop. Three boys, one parent and no car. Oh...actually two parents. Richard came home to fix the bike and ride it back so that I could have the truck. Unfortunately, the bike didn't cooperate and he had to drive the truck back.

Wednesday - no car. Had to find rides to/from school and rides for James and Chris to scouts/mutual. Thanks again to the McFarlands and Kathy. Couldn't have survived the day without y'all.

Thursday - Found out that the brake hose to the rear caliper was loose/broken/something-or-other and leaked fluid which in turn caused the master cylinder to blow. Car should be done by 4:00. At 3:00, it wasn't looking good. The hose didn't match the one from the car, so they had to get another part. It should be done by 4:30. John had an appointment in Carrollton at 5:00. I called and rescheduled John's appointment - just to lessen the stress. The repair shop and I decided to just hold off picking up the car until Friday. So...Sabrina gave the boys and me a ride home and here we were again with no car. We also had choir practice that afternoon which is always stressful.

Friday - Yay for Fridays! Boo for Tuesday rotations. Most stressful set of classes for the second time this week. Survived the day - lesson plans in, desk cleaned off, no students harmed. Griff gave us a ride out to the repair shop. Car was ready. He couldn't hear the groaning noise the van makes when you turn. Funny...I could hear it just fine by Saturday. Ugh. Anyway, came home with a car and minus about $400. Decided the week is over and so am I. Stick a fork in my forehead - I'm done.

As I started this post on Saturday, I was determined that the horrid week was over and I was going to start fresh. Well, that fell into the sludge by Saturday evening. Ran to the store last night to get milk. (We'd been out for two days.) I had the windows cracked. Pushed the buttons to roll them up. Passenger window rolled on up. Driver window - stayed there. Won't go up or down.

AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Storms came through in the middle of the night. Richard went out in the rain and put some plastic on the window. I have no idea what it looks like yet. It's Mother's Day now and I'm not sure I want to know. But I'm probably going to have to find out before we head off to church.

I'm really beginning to hate this car. I can't be without a car this week. Cub scouts and two appointments on Tuesday, scouts/mutual on Wednesday, Sandy Lake and another appointment on Thursday (Chris also has his AP test that day), school carnival on Saturday.

I'm really, really beginning to hate this car.

Post edit: We got the window up this evening. Richard said, "Now...leave it alone and we'll trade the car in." Yeah...we'll see.

Better

I wrote a depressing post yesterday. I try not to do that. I actually have a private blog and a handwritten journal for my most private, depressing thoughts. But yesterday, for whatever reason, I wrote it here.

Things are better today. I was reading a really great blog today, Andrea Merriman: The Unexpected Life, and I was reminded that when the trials come - well, we just need to press on. I was reminded of that at Stake Conference today as well. We cannot choose many of the things that happen. We cannot choose how others decide to respond or how their actions may impact us. But we *can* choose how we respond.

So...when Richard's switch flips as it did yesterday and he chooses to take himself out of commission for the whole day in order to spare us his anger and wrath and basic insanity, how am I going to respond? Was his response a good thing? Maybe. Maybe not. It was probably better than him blowing up all over a bunch of people who did nothing to deserve it. I hate that the switch flipped at all and wish we knew what caused it.

But...how did I respond? I was supportive (I thought) as he told me about being so angry. I tried really, really, really hard not to show my frustration to the boys throughout the day as Richard slept and I shopped and harvested my crops and made dinner and cooked meals for my Cafe and did Richard's laundry. (That last one right there should nominate me for sainthood.) I tried my very best not to be passive/aggressive.

By this morning, Richard was feeling much better. And he was understanding that it might take me a little bit to recover as well; that I can't just jump back into everything's-hunky-dory-again. I must say that he could be doing a bit more to help the process along (chocolate, anyone?), but he did make a really yummy breakfast this morning.

So...it's a new day. We had a wonderful stake conference meeting today. Inspired talks and a simply fabulous primary choir. I love hearing children sing. James and John were part of it. Chris went to the broadcast at our ward building while the younger boys and I went with friends to the stake center. We had to be there extra early for choir rehearsal, so we got good cushy seats. First time in forever I've sat in the good seats for stake conference! Yay! Richard stayed home and worked on his motorcycle. That bothers me a bit, but again...I can't choose his actions.

I can, however, choose my response. Today I will choose to smile, give him a hug, tell him what he missed, and go harvest my crops. ;-)

It was 17 Years Ago Today...

that Richard and I got married. I would love to write a blog about how wonderful he is. How amazing he is. What a great husband and father he is. How he is my best friend. And I really want to write that blog today.

But I can't.

Because he's grumpy today. He's bitter today. He's very, very, very tense today. And because I'm ticked at him today. Maybe tomorrow I can write about how wonderful he is.

Because he is wonderful. Just not today. Rats.

Silence in the House

What an amazing afternoon! James is at his friend's house. John is at his friend's house. Richard is at school. Chris is at Solo & Ensemble. It's just me and the dog on a Saturday afternoon. And the dog is napping. So it's quiet and that gives me time to think. Ponder. Wander around mentally.

I watched "Julie & Julia" this morning. It totally sucked me in from the beginning. I was expecting to half-watch/half-play computer games. Nope. Really neat movie.

I'm having issues with James's teacher again. I'll have to write a whole post about it at some point, but if I do it now, it'll just get me all angry again and I'm trying to enjoy my afternoon of quiet. This is what folks in the business call "a tease." ;-)

There are 8 weeks of school left - not that I'm counting. And only 5 more rehearsals before the choir goes to Sandy Lake. I think we're in trouble with that one. It's just been a really rotten year educationally. I have *not* enjoyed my job this year. I'm hoping it's a one-year thing and it'll be better next year, but for now I'm just riding it out.

My laptop battery now lasts for about 10-20 minutes tops. Seriously. What's the point of a laptop? Oh yeah...I can sit anywhere I want as long as there's an outlet nearby.

Ah...Chris is home. Hope he did well on his duet. It'll still be quiet in the house.

This is what I see every time I start the car. I have had the car serviced many times, but for some reason no one can figure out how to reset this component. And now...thanks to Suzanne...it won't bother me nearly as much. She figured something out when she saw this.

It doesn't say, "Service required." It doesn't say, "Service due." It says, "Perform service." So, we could liken that to our own lives. Every time I get in the car, now I have a reminder to perform service. Not on the van, but for others. It might also say, "Give service." It's a nice little reminder to me each day, multiple times a day, that I need to remember to give service. I need to be in tune with the Holy Ghost and follow the promptings to "perform service." It doesn't have to be big, grandiose actions. It can be something as simple as sending an email or paying closer attention to someone when they speak or making their favorite meal just because.

Perform service. I can do that.