The Dailies

The tidbits of today:

1) I finished my laundry. So really...I FINISHED it. (I'm not counting the boys' stuff. They're supposed to do their own, but I'll probably end up doing it tomorrow just to get it all done before the new year. LOL)

2) I took some time out for me that didn't involve sulking lounging around in bed. I took myself to lunch at Palio's and then used my birthday gift card for a much-needed pedicure. Ahhh...very nice.

3) All of the Christmas stuff is down and mostly put away - except for the outside lights. That will happen tomorrow if I have to drag Richard out to do it. Or I'll do it and I won't put it away "correctly" and he'll just have to deal with it next year. Passive/aggressive anyone?

4) I have all the files I need to print at Staples for the first Sunday of the year in primary. Door signs and the monthly theme posters. I may print the January's poster on my printer on photo paper and see how it turns out before I pay for them to be printed. We'll see.

5) I even have a start on my sharing time for Sunday. Not sure if that's a good thing or not since most of my best lessons seem to be ones that were finished at the last minute. :-/

6) Richard came home from work and, instead of reading and sleeping for three hours, he prepped the back yard for moving some things tomorrow and is currently taking Larry for a walk. Yay!

Overall, I'd say it's been a pretty dang good day. Maybe tonight I'll teach James and John how to play Karma.

They Say It's My Birthday

Ha! So now that song is in your head too! It's only 12:30 here, but so far so good. My birthday morning started off with Happy Birthday texts from my sister-in-law and my favorite brother. In fact, that's how he signed his text - "from your favorite brother." (He's my only brother - but that's beside the point.)

Then there was an email from my sister. And later a text from a friend at work. Wow! I'm not used to getting birthday texts.

Now you know me...I have to find a negative here somewhere. No one in my immediate family has said "Happy birthday" to me yet today. Well, John did via Facebook chat - after I told him to check his Facebook and see if he could figure out why today is a special day and why I didn't want to take him to Game Stop at 10:00 this morning. Oh...and Richard texted me to see how much my pedicures usually are. Guess he's getting me a gift card to my favorite place. :-) Yay!

I should be used to this. Richard's never been big on birthdays. He wasn't raised that way and it's hard for him to understand that someone else might think they're important. You'd think after 18 years of marriage I'd be used to that. But I'm not. Eh...whatever. I'm making this day a lazy day. Still in bed on the computer. Made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and ate the greater part of them myself - in bed. I've played on Facebook, read and blogged. And now James just came in and said, "Happy birthday." He thought today was the 27th. Yeah, okay...he's still my favorite. :-)

So...I'm 46 today. 46. I don't even know what 46 is supposed to feel like. I'm sure I thought I'd be better off financially by now. But in the things that really matter - family, friends, God - I'm extremely blessed. My boys really are my greatest joy. I probably don't tell them that enough, but they are. I love my husband dearly, even when it's difficult to like him very much. But he's going through a really rough time right now and so I try really hard to remember that. My friends are amazing. They always seem to know when I need to talk or need ice cream. :-) And of course, my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. Where would I be without Them? Without Christ's sacrifice. His Atonement that makes it so that He understand absolutely everything I have gone through, everything I'm going through and everything I will go through. This last month has literally knocked me to my knees - or at least bowed my head. But I'm still here and I'm still smiling most of the time. And that is only because Christ has carried me.

One foot in front of the other. Just keep swimming. Today is MY day. It's all about me. I get one day a year to have everything be all about me. (I probably take more than my share, truth be told - but that's a whole other blog entry.) But today...I can lay around eating bon-bons if I want and I don't feel guilty. Not one iota. Tomorrow - back to work. Today - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :::munch, munch:::

Holiday Blues

I've got the holiday blues. I get them every year, but this year is worse I think. This year I'm already ready to take down the decorations - and it's the day after Christmas. I'm tapped out emotionally. Richard's in a very deep valley and it's affecting the whole family.

I'm grateful for those who helped us make Christmas good this year. The boys liked their presents and we're picking up the Wii today, so it'll be a whole new Christmas morning again for them. However...I just want to stay in bed. I guess I feel like I have to be everything to everyone in the house in the evenings so during the day I just don't have the energy (physical, mental, or emotional) to get out and do anything. I want my energy back. I want my smile back. I want my husband back.

Ok...this is my day to whine. I'm giving myself one. One day. Maybe just one morning because the kitchen is completely trashed from Christmas yesterday. One morning. Two more hours to just sit and rest and read and play games and watch TV. Then it's kitchen, chores and errands. Go ahead...time me.

Just About Done!

Four more hours! I think I can do it! Still need to wrap the presents I got yesterday, make some cookies and fudge, hope that Chris can get registered for his spring college class, do a boatload of laundry, clean the house, etc., etc., etc. Remember when I said that I needed to do those things that will make a memorable Christmas for my family. Yeah...that's what I need to do. So...starting tomorrow (because tonight I'm recovering from the last three days) I will get into the Christmas spirit!

Parents: Be the Adult Please

Put your kids first. I just don't understand parents that use their kids as pawns in their war with each other. This morning at school a large group of students got to see this in action. One parent had the kids by the hand and was walking away with them. The other was running across the grass screaming and complaining that she had driven 750 miles to see her children and he couldn't take them away (or some such.) It doesn't really matter what anyone was saying. The fact is that they were fighting over these children, in front of a busload of other children including their best friend/sister who was scared to death and crying so hard she was about to throw up.

 The police were called, order was restored, some semblance of calmness was achieved - but really. Can't we, as adults, put the needs of the children above our own needs? Can't we put their welfare and well-being ahead of what we want or what we think we deserve. I've never had to deal with that as a divorced spouse, but I hope that I could be the grown-up in the situation. I seriously just want to smack both of those parents in the head and yell at them, "BE PARENTS! GROW UP!"

 But I can't really do that. All I can do is take care of the children while they're here. Hug them and love on them and pray for them. It just hurts my heart. So I need to get down on my knees and pray for them and thank Heavenly Father that I don't have to deal with that type of situation at home. We may have a lot going on and it may be difficult, but we have much to be grateful for.

A Positive Christmas Post

So this will be my positive one. No more whining. These are the things to be joyful about this season:

 1) My savior, Jesus Christ. We celebrate His birth during this time. The presents and the decorations and the music and all the trimmings are great, but they're just that - trimmings. Christ is why we celebrate. His birth, His atonement, His sacrifice - and His willingness to do all of those things of His own free will and choice. I tell my primary kids every time I do sharing time that Jesus knows them personally. He knows our names and our joys and our sorrows. He understands and all we have to do is talk with Heavenly Father and Jesus will be there for us. He will carry us when we need Him to. Why can I tell the children that but then forget it for myself? So...number one joy - Jesus Christ - my Lord and Savior.

 2) My family - they're quirky, grumpy, messy, whiny, and smelly and lots of other not-so-nice things. But what would I do without them? They are my life. As much as I want to Gibbs-slap each one of those boys (including the 50yo boy), I love them with my whole heart and I wouldn't trade them for any amount of money. I may threaten to do it, but I really wouldn't. We aren't a lovey-dovey family. We don't hang out together and "enjoy" each others' company. But...we love each other in our own weird way.

 3) My home. It's beautiful in a dirty, messy kinda way. But it's a roof over our heads. It's keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. It keeps us dry. There are many people out there who don't have this necessity. I love my house. I'd love it even more if it were clean and tidy, but I'm still grateful to have it.

 4) Time off. It's not as much as we've had in the past and not as much as we'll have next year. It's easy to complain that we are still in school today, tomorrow and half-day Wednesday - but there are many people who either a) don't have a job to have time off from, or b) don't have any time off. Richard is one of those. He has Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off - because they are Saturday and Sunday.

 5) I have a job. I have an awesome job. It's hard for sure. It's frustrating and gives me a headache especially this time of year - and again in April and May - but it's a wonderful job. Where else could you work where you start each day off with multiple hugs?

 6) There's food on the table. Our pantry runneth over - seriously. Much of it is storehouse food these days since we've gone through most of our food storage during this financial crisis. But we have it. None of us is going hungry.

 7) A loving bishop. 'Nuff said.

 8) Giving friends. Again - 'nuff said.

 See? There is so much more to be happy and joyful about. Life really is good. It's crazy, but it's a good crazy. The next time you hear or read me whining, refer me back to this post. Maybe that will be my New Year's Resolution. I don't usually make them because they almost always seem to backfire, but I can work to be more positive. To put on that happy face like I used to have to do when cashiering at Wal-Mart. And guess what? When you make yourself smile and be nice to people, after a little while you start to feel better yourself.

I think I need to blog more often. This has been pretty darn cathartic. :-) Merry Christmas!!

Christmas 2011 - Blah Post

This is just not a good Christmas time for me this year. A number of reasons including:

1. There's no money for presents. I have no inclination to do any shopping since I don't even know how much money I can use. And that's because I haven't been keeping up with the checkbook balance because it's too depressing. The phone is ringing off the hook from "toll-free call" which is code for bill collectors. And I'm afraid to share my worries with Richard because he's already so back-and-forth on his tipping point. Which leads to

2. Richard's back is no better. We've spent money and time and lost wages going to doctors and having procedures and nothing is working. He's in a great deal of pain constantly which causes him to be pretty grumpy. He tries really, really, really hard to not be and so when he just can't contain it anymore, it tends to all come out at once and often at surprising times for no apparent reason.

3. Richard's job is not covering the bills. He enjoys the people he works with and the fact that when he's done, he's done. But he knows that he's not making enough money to really pay everything and it's frustrating to know that if he has a doctor appointment, it costs him not only the wages for that day but also a "point." There is no approved time off until after Christmas.

4. I got the house decorated for Christmas, but it's still such a mess that I can't enjoy it. Flylady swears that if you follow her steps, that your family will notice and begin to step up. In the nearly 10 years since I started using her system, albeit rather disjointedly since I went back to work, that hasn't come true. The boys just assume that the house magically gets vacuumed and dusted - or they don't care if it does. And I'm so overwhelmed with all the financial stuff that I just can't even find the energy to do anything about it. Until I have a presidency meeting at my house. Then I feel like I have to clean up and get at least a room or two cleaned up.

So those are my thoughts this Christmas season - at least my blah thoughts. I'm going to put this out there and then I'm going to put on my big girl panties and spend the next week focusing on my blessings and making it a good Christmas for my family. Food and family - that much I can do. Think anyone will notice if I don't show up for school the next three days?

Priesthood Preview

Tonight was priesthood preview. My third and last. Looking at all those 11 yo boys - I can't believe they're all going to turn 12 in 2012. I remember most of them from kindergarten. And they're such varied sizes - from Patrick and John little to Andrew and Branden tall to Seth just humongous.

But it was a good evening and John did get something out of it. And James learned to lead music. And I ate brownies. How can it be a bad night if brownies are involved?