Am I Really the Mother of a Senior?

Is he really going off to college this summer? Yes. Yes he is. Chris was accepted into BYU and will be starting college on June 18th. This after he graduates from high school on June 3rd. W. O. W.

Now we just wait and see about scholarships and such. He will do one summer term, come home in August and hopefully get a short-time job, then plans to begin his mission right at his birthday in November.

It's really too bad he doesn't have a plan, isn't it? Gooooooooo Chris!

It's Better to Look Up

We have turned the corner. It's just a small corner, but at least it's a corner. Richard received his unemployment award and they sent us four weeks' worth at once - two of it back pay. Yay! And they took into account Richard's previous teaching salary when making their award determination. Whew! That's something at least.

I've been picking up some Saturday school tutoring gigs and one building monitor evening gig. So that will be a little extra in the paycheck in March. AND our tax refund will be officially in our account tomorrow. So maybe we can finally get caught up and take care of some of Chris's things like a book for his college class and trip payments and AP test fees.

It feels better anyway. I had a major meltdown last Monday - cried it all out. Not the sweet, cute cry you see in movies. Oh no...not me. This was the out loud, nose-dripping, red-faced kind. The kind you don't want anyone to see. And no one did. So I share it here for all my readers. (All two of you.)

But home is feeling much better. I wish I could say the same about school. It's just awful. A constant feeling of looking over your shoulder, one can never do right, nothing is good enough, and the ever-present, "I don't really care what you're going through at home, just make sure you do everything you're supposed to do here, which includes all the extra stuff I'm assigning you just because I can." Most days it's all I can do to make myself go to work. I've taken more days off this year than ever, I think, but that doesn't really help because so often a sub doesn't pick up and then my team takes the brunt of my not being there. It's not fair, but that's the way it is. :-(

But...I'm feeling better regardless. My last few posts have been so negative that I wanted to finally write a positive one. Heavenly Father is in charge. He's watching out for me and my family. There are positives - lots of positives. That will be another post. :)

Will It Ever End? (With an Update)

Seriously...I don't know what to do next. Apparently I forgot to pay the Uverse bill last month, so it's double this month. The transmission went out on the truck, but luckily I have an awesome father-in-law who paid to get it fixed for us. Then the alternator went out on the van, so that was $400 that we didn't have but we spent anyway. Then the mortgage went through and now we're in the red nearly $500. We've got a hefty tax refund coming - if I can find $10 to pay for the e-filing. Sheesh.

Guess I'll be calling AT&T to see what we can do about our bill. What will the boys do if we have to get rid of TV? If we keep internet, then we could get rid of the TV and home phone. Maybe that would save us a couple hundred a month.

I don't know...it just seems like it's never-ending. We just can't catch a break. I'm working Saturday School tomorrow and in two weeks. That'll bring in a bit extra, but with no paycheck until Feb. 20th, this is going to be a difficult month. Richard applied for unemployment, so we'll see what happens with that.

The quote, "Live by faith, not by fear," is very difficult to follow during these particular times. Saturday night is ward temple night and I'd like to go, but there's the gas cost and the clothing rental. Guess that's part of the "live by faith" idea, huh?

This wasn't how things were supposed to go this year. Certainly not at this point in my life. I never thought we would be rich or anything like that - not on teacher salaries - but I thought we'd be in a better position to send Chris to college and a mission, to support James and John in their endeavors through middle and high school.

Richard's so depressed I'm not even sure he could get a job right now. His demeanor is very blah.

Update 2/6/12

Went to the temple on Saturday and had a wonderful dinner out afterward. I was sad that Richard didn't come, but it was a good time anyway. And a friend paid for my dinner. Late that evening, as I was finishing up my sharing time, there was a quick knock on the door. Whoever it was was lucky they were fast because I was in the front room on the computer. LOL When I opened the door there was a little paper gift bag with a package of Ghirardelli chocolates and a $50 gift card. Wow. That will put gas in the van.

Fasted and prayed on Sunday. Called dad yesterday and he is sending us enough to cover the alternator and/or Uverse. While I was talking to Dad, I had just a feeling of peace - like we're just about to turn the corner to something better. Richard went to the employment center on Saturday, is doing a webinar today, resume class tomorrow and a friend is asking for tutoring for her son. Things are looking up. Well, not really...but I'm feeling more positive. Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and He will provide. Of that I have a firm testimony.

Common Courtesy

Wouldn't common courtesy say that if there are going to be construction workers on the roof during the school day you would send out an email early in the day to let people know that it will be happening? Possibly even the Friday before? Here we sit in music class with jackhammers and sledge hammers and all manner of hammers pounding over our heads. And because it's the music room our ceiling is higher and so it sounds like they are right on top of us. Right. On. Top. Of. Us.

I'm guessing this headache I got early in the day is not going to go away any time soon. When I complained/questioned the office about it, our principal said, "Yes, they're replacing the drains on the roof. They were supposed to do it last week, but we had benchmark testing. So we just have to go with it." No sympathy. No apology. No empathy. Nothing. Just "deal with it," basically. I'm so tired of the attitude around here.

We got an email at 10:30 regarding the noise. She said she realized the noise was annoying, but water leaking into the building is just as annoying. Really? "Please be patient and flexible." I am. We're watching a video because we can't hear ourselves think. It's okay...we just sing anyway.

Ugh. Grateful to be heading to San Antonio later this week. A two-day work week for me and then vacay! Ok...actually it's TMEA and I'm there to learn things - which I will - but it's still a vacay. Woot! I guess I can deal with the jackhammers for today. :-)

Day of Rest? Bah!

I'm not sure what happened...but this was not a day of rest. It started with the cat waking me up at 5:00. I got up with him, then came back to bed. But by then, my mind was full of all the things I needed to do at church - sharing time, teacher training, sharing time...all those things. I laid here for a while and pet the cat but finally I just needed to get up and get started.

So I got sharing time printed. Then got showered. Then got boys up. Left for church at 8:00. Primary room wasn't set up and I needed to set up my sharing time. Ran around and got everything copied and put together. Then church, then primary. Sharing time went well with senior primary. Not so much with junior. I think I know why and I will remember that from now on.

Oh yeah...then ward council after church that ran an extra 30 minutes. Ward conference is next week so there was a lot to discuss and Bishop never runs over, so it really wasn't that big of a deal except that I was tired! Came home and watched some football and had some lunch. Rested some this afternoon but never napped.

Finally got some inspiration for tonight's teacher meeting - an hour before the meeting. Oh...and I made brownies. From Mom's recipe. Yummmmmm! And Richard made a GF cake for John. :-) Went to the meeting. We currently have 12 teachers in primary. (Our submitted names were issued calls today though - YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!) Six showed up. Ok so that's half. I guess that's not too bad. But still...I'd hoped for a bit better. But...it went well. Short and sweet. Meeting was over in 30 minutes - just like I promised. Yay me.

Now the day is over and I'm exhausted. Think I'll take myself to bed. Tomorrow is laundry, playing for a memorial service and deep-cleaning John's room. I'll probably be just as tired tomorrow night. Yay for 3-day weekends!!

A Good Day...

I do love Sundays. I really do. Today was mostly relaxing and enjoyable. A very good testimony meeting. Primary went well. All of our assigned teachers were there. Cub meetings this afternoon - not so fun. But what can you do? Watched a little football, played on Richard's computer. (My laptop got the blue screen of death yesterday and won't reboot. Meh.)

The boys are playing rather nicely. I may be just about to get in my pajamas and go read for the evening. Sounds rather decadent, but tomorrow's Monday, so I should do what I can now.

On the down side, Richard's last day at work will be Wednesday. It was a seasonal/temp position and he just had too many points (for absences) for them to keep him, even though his ratings are through the roof. It's just as well. He didn't really like it and now he can apply for unemployment benefits and spend the days looking for a real job. However, we can't meet our obligations in any way at all. Not sure what to do next. Maybe sit down with the bishop and show him our actual budget and see what he says. Cut off cable? Cell phones? We have contracts on the cell phones, so I don't know about that. And TV? Really? Internet? Ack! I don't know.

But...for now...we have a roof over our heads, food in our pantry, and heat in our home. Those things I can be grateful for and rely on Heavenly Father to provide what we need - and maybe a little bit of what we want.

I'm just gonna go to work tomorrow and be thankful that I have a job. And I will be positive. I will smile.

I spent the last week really working on being more positive and smiling and such. It made a huge difference in the day, I think. That and something called Class Dojo (a techno behavioral chart for my classes.) But the smiling helped for sure. So I'll do it again. And again. And again. And again. And it'll all be okay - somehow.

New Year, New Attitude

I hope. I'm not good at resolutions. I rarely make them and if I do, I rarely keep them for very long. But I'm making two this year.

1) I will lose the weight that I lost 18 months ago and gained back (plus some) during the stress of the last year. I just know that part of my aches and pains are because of the extra poundage I'm carrying around. So...back to the diet I go. I can't afford to do Weight Watchers, but I can do My Fitness Pal which is basically the same thing minus the point system.

2) I can't control Richard's depression or general grumpiness. I can't control the politics of our principal at school or whether or not Roger actually calls the people we need in primary. What I can control is my attitude. There was a great talk today and I really picked up on that part. I can choose to have a positive attitude. I can choose to smile and be friendly and respond positively when people ask me how I'm doing. Instead of saying things like, "I'm here," or "Making it," I can say things like "Doing good" and smile.

I hope that by making these two changes, I can help the rest of my family find the joy in life. I've kinda lost that lately. It's amazing how financial worries can drag so many other things down, but there's more to life than that. As long as I can keep a roof over our heads and the heat and water going, we can manage the rest.

So...those are my resolutions. Seriously lose weight - not just the typical January 1st idea of 85,000 weight loss commercials because it's a "new year, new you" kinda thing. But because I know how much better I felt about myself and how much better I felt physically when I was 30 pounds lighter. I remember starting the school year with the plan to smile more and complain less. Then the year got a hold of me and I didn't stay with the program. This is a chance to start that over. Remember daily that I love these children. There may be days that I don't like them much, but I love them. I need to find a way to show them that - and I can start by smiling.

Happy New Year! And here we go.