Out With the Old, In With the New

It really has been a year of ups and downs. Lots of changes this year--especially the last part of the year.

The new: new job for Richard, new driver's license for Chris, new freedoms for James and John, completely new family dynamic because of Richard's new job, new calling for me

The old: I'm still at Camey, same house, same ward, many of the same problems and issues, same medical problems for Richard.

For the first time in a long time, I've really thought about a resolution this year. A friend of mine was telling me about a book she gave her mother for Christmas.
My friend said that, from the part she read, she realized that she needed to quit worrying so much about her weaknesses and focus more on her strengths. That really spoke to me. With all the changes we've had this year--and with Richard being gone so much--I've had more of a chance to step up and I've often felt as though I've let everyone down. Like I haven't stepped up the way I could or should.

But by golly, there are a lot of things I *have* done right. We've held Family Home Evening more often this year than in years past. We've had morning and evening family prayers on a much more consistent basis. I may not cook "complete" meals, but I'm cooking more often than I used to. And...I've lost about 15 pounds.

So...my resolution this year is to focus on my strengths. I am a daughter of God. I'm strong. I'm a good teacher and a good mother. (And I'm a really, really good musician--if I do say so myself.) I don't say any of this with "pride." But I know myself well enough to know that it's very easy for me to get down on myself - to feel as if I'm not doing enough, not being enough, not...enough.

We're going to ring in 2010 (has it *really* been 10 years since Y2K?) with a movie and some Martinelli's while Chris rings it in with a dance and an after-midnight breakfast. And tomorrow we're going to get Christmas put away and enjoy the feel of an "empty" house. And I'm going to be positive about it all.

Watch this. School starts back on Monday. Yay! (How was that?)

It Happened! It Really Happened!!!

We really DID have a white Christmas!

Christmas morning
Christmas morning--glad we weren't going anywhere.

Christmas Eve - it was just starting to stick

The boys had a fabulous time playing in the snow. They came wet and cold, changed clothes by the fireplace and settled in with some hot chocolate. Is there a better way to spend Christmas Eve?

And look at the blowing snow! I haven't seen snow fly like that since we left Utah. It was a beautiful holiday. Cold, windy, and snowy on Christmas Eve. Cold, sunny and snowy on Christmas Day. Just perfect. And James and John could still get out and ride their new scooters.

Merry Christmas to all!

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas Eve

It's been the perfect week of Christmas! Up until today, it was unseasonably warm and dry. 73 degrees yesterday! Perfect for last-minute shopping (the only kind I seem to do) and taking boys out to the park.

Cold front came through this morning. Woke up to a cold rain, blustery wind and temperatures steadily dropping--currently 35 degrees. It's even snowing--and they say it'll start sticking later today. We'll see. But it's pretty anyway. Perfect for baking more cookies and wrapping the last of the presents!

We were invited to a traditional Christmas Eve breakfast/brunch at IHOP this morning. Great way to start the day! Now...Richard's napping, I'm waiting on the last batch of cookies to be done and the boys have been playing Monopoly--quite nicely together. I think they know Santa's watching. :-)

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Christmas Is Coming...

...the goose is getting fat.

I do this to myself every year. I promise that I'm going to plan ahead. And then...it's two days before Christmas and I'm still trying to get last-minute gifts. This year the problem is Richard. Last year he knew what he wanted and he bought it for himself. This year? Not so much. I thought about getting him a Blu-Ray player, but since he's only home on the weekends, that seems like it's less a gift for him than for us.

He always needs clothes and he's in desperate need of jeans, so there's that. I thought about getting him an iPod--and I may still do that. Then he could put all of the music that's on his phone onto the iPod and maybe I'd even sign him up for the Church podcasts.

See? This is why I blog. Because as I write, I figure out what to do. Yeah. I think that's what I'll do. The iPod it is. Now...to brave all the other last-minute crazies out there and go get it. Best Buy...here I come!

Saturday Morning Wakeup Call

It was seven o'clock on a cold Saturday morning. I woke up to music. At first I thought I'd forgotten to turn off my alarm. But as wakefulness came on better, I realized it sounded like a music box. These were my thoughts in order: Music box? That's "Silent Night." James is playing with one of the Christmas music boxes. Wait--James isn't here. Oh great, the dog got one of the music boxes and chewed on it.

Richard woke up, looked at me and then got out of bed. I heard him walking around a bit. He came back in a minute and told me that it was the three angels on the mantle. No one else is up. Too high for Larry. But it was playing away at a verrrrrry slow tempo. You know how music boxes sound when they're just. about. to. wind. down. But it kept going. At that tempo.

This particular music box belonged to my grandmother (Nan-Nan). I have no idea why it was playing. I laid in bed for a bit. It kept going. I told Richard, "I guess I'm supposed to get up." So I went into the den with the music box. I looked at it for a few seconds. It kept playing. I sat down on the couch and listened--trying to figure out what Nan-Nan was trying to tell me. Nan-Nan was well-known for her "portents of things to come." She told of waking up in the middle of the night once just knowing that something bad had happened--a really horrible feeling. She found out the next day that my dad's parents had been in a really bad car accident that night.

So I sat on the couch, listening to the music and still trying to figure out what I was supposed to know. I thought about Dad. It's Saturday so he's not supposed to go to work. If anything was wrong, there wouldn't be anyone expecting him anywhere. Richard came out about then, and I said to him, "I need to call my dad."

The music stopped.

Richard and I looked at each other. "I need to call my dad NOW."

Called Dad. He's just fine. Sitting in his chair reading his paper. I told him why I called. I didn't want to scare him, but I knew he would wonder why I would call him at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. We had a nice little conversation. Let him know we got the boys cards, talked about what we're doing this week and school being out and all that stuff. I told him to be careful today.

Then I made Richard call his parents. They're fine too. His mom said that maybe it Nan-Nan just saying, "Merry Christmas." Which reminded me of the time she showed up at our house about 7:00 on Christmas morning--banging on the windows and doors as she walked up the driveway calling out, "Merry Christmas!" She did *not* make any friends that morning. But I smile now.

So maybe that's all it was. Maybe it was her way of saying thank you for getting her sealed to her family last month. Or maybe it was just a temperature change. But no...I don't think it was just a temperature change. Believe me...I'll be thinking of Nan-Nan all day today.

The Thanksgiving Feast

A marvelous Thanksgiving was had by all. And I don't think I saw a single camera! We forgot ours and were already running a tad bit late, so I wasn't going to go back for it. So you'll just have to endure my descriptions.

We drove to Richard's parents' home for the day. Yes, the same home where Richard is living during the week. The one week he didn't need to drive down--and we drove down anyway. :-)

Just about everyone in the Martin family was there. We were there with our three boys. Judith and Randy - no kids (they're all over the world at the moment). Tim and Theresa were there with their two boys--probably the first time we've seen them in 3-5 years. I'm not sure we've seen them since we moved back to Texas. Their boys are so grown-up! Suzanna and Jeff with their six kids, Shelly and Joe with their four kids and Kimbra with her three girls (Matt was working).

It was a beautiful day--sunny and not too cold--so the kids were able to run around outside. They played on the go-kart a lot. 5-year-old Seth (Suzy's son) pushed 10-year-old Hannah (his sister) into the pool. So Caleb pushed Seth in - fair's fair, doncha know. By the time it was all said and done, four of the six Davidson kids were in the pool. They. are. nuts.

John took a tumble off the go-kart. Technically, it was off the scooter behind the go-kart. They hit a bump and he went sliding across the road. Scraped up his elbow pretty bad, but he was pretty brave about it. I took a picture with my phone, but since we don't have any "internet" on our cell phones these days, I can't do anything with it. Richard took a picture with his dad's camera. Maybe we'll be able to get a copy one of these days.

I think all of the adult children and spouses were pleasantly surprised at what a nice time we all had. The kids were able to play, we were able to visit and watch the football game. Some napped, of course. The food was yummy. We brought GF dressing (Mom's recipe) and GF sweet potato casserole (again, Mom's recipe). We also brought three pies. Richard made all the food again this year. He always does such a good job.

I think the best part of the day was the good memories that were made. The boys had a really good time, injuries notwithstanding, and they have been talking about it ever since. That right there is the most important part.

And now...it's time to get ready for Christmas.

Old Insecurities

It's amazing to me how the old insecurites of childhood and adolescent-hood can suddenly and without warning rear their ugly heads. I find myself fighting off the green-eyed monster, as my mother used to call him. I go to someone's home to help with something--something I am really, really good at btw--and leave feeling inadequate. I read friends' blogs and am jealous of the fun and frolic that they and their families seem to be having.

For some reason that I've never delved into, I've always felt that I was somehow lacking. Not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not clever enough. Not sexy enough. Not talented enough. Not enough. This is probably why I made the choices I made as a teen and young adult.

I want to get up and go and do the fun things that I see other families doing. I want to take the boys and play. I want to take the boys and learn. But I don't. It often seems to be a trial when I do. There's whining. There's arguing. There are bad feelings and hurt feelings and silence. And that's just from the adults! I've learned the art of avoidance. It's easier to avoid those things that will most likely cause contention and chaos and hurt feelings.

And so...I sit at home. We all sit at home. Doing nothing. Making no memories. Building no bonds. Just hanging out. Fretting over what the HUGE family get-together will be like on Thursday and how embarrassed I'm likely to be by the time we leave.

I will plan something for tomorrow. If we can't do our temple sealings tomorrow, I will take myself to a movie, take James to Zaxby's for his free kids meal, schedule the sealings for Friday (assuming the temple is open) and maybe even tackle the pumpkin cheesecake recipe that I want to try. And if no other adult wants to participate, I'll do it myself.

Will someone please help me to follow through?