A marvelous Thanksgiving was had by all. And I don't think I saw a single camera! We forgot ours and were already running a tad bit late, so I wasn't going to go back for it. So you'll just have to endure my descriptions.
We drove to Richard's parents' home for the day. Yes, the same home where Richard is living during the week. The one week he didn't need to drive down--and we drove down anyway. :-)
Just about everyone in the Martin family was there. We were there with our three boys. Judith and Randy - no kids (they're all over the world at the moment). Tim and Theresa were there with their two boys--probably the first time we've seen them in 3-5 years. I'm not sure we've seen them since we moved back to Texas. Their boys are so grown-up! Suzanna and Jeff with their six kids, Shelly and Joe with their four kids and Kimbra with her three girls (Matt was working).
It was a beautiful day--sunny and not too cold--so the kids were able to run around outside. They played on the go-kart a lot. 5-year-old Seth (Suzy's son) pushed 10-year-old Hannah (his sister) into the pool. So Caleb pushed Seth in - fair's fair, doncha know. By the time it was all said and done, four of the six Davidson kids were in the pool. They. are. nuts.
John took a tumble off the go-kart. Technically, it was off the scooter behind the go-kart. They hit a bump and he went sliding across the road. Scraped up his elbow pretty bad, but he was pretty brave about it. I took a picture with my phone, but since we don't have any "internet" on our cell phones these days, I can't do anything with it. Richard took a picture with his dad's camera. Maybe we'll be able to get a copy one of these days.
I think all of the adult children and spouses were pleasantly surprised at what a nice time we all had. The kids were able to play, we were able to visit and watch the football game. Some napped, of course. The food was yummy. We brought GF dressing (Mom's recipe) and GF sweet potato casserole (again, Mom's recipe). We also brought three pies. Richard made all the food again this year. He always does such a good job.
I think the best part of the day was the good memories that were made. The boys had a really good time, injuries notwithstanding, and they have been talking about it ever since. That right there is the most important part.
And now...it's time to get ready for Christmas.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Old Insecurities
It's amazing to me how the old insecurites of childhood and adolescent-hood can suddenly and without warning rear their ugly heads. I find myself fighting off the green-eyed monster, as my mother used to call him. I go to someone's home to help with something--something I am really, really good at btw--and leave feeling inadequate. I read friends' blogs and am jealous of the fun and frolic that they and their families seem to be having.
For some reason that I've never delved into, I've always felt that I was somehow lacking. Not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not clever enough. Not sexy enough. Not talented enough. Not enough. This is probably why I made the choices I made as a teen and young adult.
I want to get up and go and do the fun things that I see other families doing. I want to take the boys and play. I want to take the boys and learn. But I don't. It often seems to be a trial when I do. There's whining. There's arguing. There are bad feelings and hurt feelings and silence. And that's just from the adults! I've learned the art of avoidance. It's easier to avoid those things that will most likely cause contention and chaos and hurt feelings.
And so...I sit at home. We all sit at home. Doing nothing. Making no memories. Building no bonds. Just hanging out. Fretting over what the HUGE family get-together will be like on Thursday and how embarrassed I'm likely to be by the time we leave.
I will plan something for tomorrow. If we can't do our temple sealings tomorrow, I will take myself to a movie, take James to Zaxby's for his free kids meal, schedule the sealings for Friday (assuming the temple is open) and maybe even tackle the pumpkin cheesecake recipe that I want to try. And if no other adult wants to participate, I'll do it myself.
Will someone please help me to follow through?
For some reason that I've never delved into, I've always felt that I was somehow lacking. Not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not clever enough. Not sexy enough. Not talented enough. Not enough. This is probably why I made the choices I made as a teen and young adult.
I want to get up and go and do the fun things that I see other families doing. I want to take the boys and play. I want to take the boys and learn. But I don't. It often seems to be a trial when I do. There's whining. There's arguing. There are bad feelings and hurt feelings and silence. And that's just from the adults! I've learned the art of avoidance. It's easier to avoid those things that will most likely cause contention and chaos and hurt feelings.
And so...I sit at home. We all sit at home. Doing nothing. Making no memories. Building no bonds. Just hanging out. Fretting over what the HUGE family get-together will be like on Thursday and how embarrassed I'm likely to be by the time we leave.
I will plan something for tomorrow. If we can't do our temple sealings tomorrow, I will take myself to a movie, take James to Zaxby's for his free kids meal, schedule the sealings for Friday (assuming the temple is open) and maybe even tackle the pumpkin cheesecake recipe that I want to try. And if no other adult wants to participate, I'll do it myself.
Will someone please help me to follow through?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A Time of Thanks
I had such a revelation this week at school. And it wasn't a good revelation. It was a sad one.
The first thing I realized was that most of my students don't know those traditional songs we grew up learning and knowing. Thanksgiving-wise, they've never heard of "We Gather Together," or "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come," or even "Over the River and Through the Wood!" What in the world?!? How can they not know these songs?!?
And then I realize...oh...I'm the music teacher. Hmmm...I guess it's MY job to teach them these songs. Did I learn them at school? Maybe. Church? Probably. Both? Most definitely.
So this week, we learned "Over the River and Through the Wood." No worries about teaching religion or anything like that. One second grader informed me, in a very knowledgable tone that spoke of great stupidity on his teacher's part, "That can't be a Thanksgiving song. There's a lot of snow and it doesn't snow on Thanksgiving." DUH! Oh, you poor Texas boy.
I asked the children to think of at least one thing they are thankful for. I didn't want to know what it was--just think of it in their heads. Then I asked them to raise their hands if they'd thought of at least one thing. In every. single. class. there was at least one child who didn't raise his/her hand. I would ask them, "You can't think of even one thing to be thankful for?" A (usually) sad shake of the head.
So I tried to give them ideas. The first time this happened, I asked, "Did you have breakfast this morning?" The answer, "No." OOPS! I switched to, "Did you have lunch today?" because they *all* eat lunch one way or another. Or, "Do you have clothes to wear? Can you be thankful for those things?" Trying to show them that they don't have to have huge houses or fancy cars or whatever in order to have things to be thankful for. I tried to stay away from family stuff because you just never know what's going on in their homes. And frankly, I don't want to know. I'd rather live in my happy little world where children are loved and disciplined appropriately.
I don't know why I was so surprised that so many children didn't know how to be thankful for the small things. Our society puts such a premium on the big things. Houses, cars, money, money, money, video games (the best and newest of course). I like all of those things. But what am I truly thankful for?
*A Heavenly Father who watches over me. Who loves me no matter how many mistakes I make. Who sent his Son to atone for me so that I could return to live with Him.
*A husband who works hard to provide for us--even if it means being away from us. No matter how many times things don't work out, he keeps pushing forward and trying.
*Three boys who are the light of my life. They are such complete individuals that it's hard to lump them all together. Chris is a rock--steady and strong. He reminds me a lot of my dad. James is everyone's friend. He wears his heart on his sleeve and wants anyone and everyone to be happy. John is a puzzle. He bounces from happy to sad to mad at the drop of a hat, but he's creative and funny and artistic.
*I'm even thankful for our dog who tracks in mud all the day long, hates having his feet cleaned and now insists on sleeping on my bed. But he's sweet and loving and he barks when people walk by--which is not a bad thing actually.
*I'm thankful for my job. It allows me to be home when the boys are home. I love working with the children--even when they frustrate me or anger me or sadden me. It's fun to watch them catch on to a concept they've been struggling with or just to enjoy the music.
*I'm thankful for parents who were and are great examples to me. I'm thankful that my dad is 91 years young and still healthy both mentally and physically.
*I'm especially thankful for a week off of school. The break is so needed by everyone--students and teachers alike--and it gives us a week to spend with Richard.
There's something uplifting about writing out all of the blessings in my life. It helps me to focus on those blessings instead of all that's wrong or annoying or whatever. This week I'm going to try to do that. Focus on the blessings--even the smallest ones. Sometimes the smallest ones are the greatest.
The first thing I realized was that most of my students don't know those traditional songs we grew up learning and knowing. Thanksgiving-wise, they've never heard of "We Gather Together," or "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come," or even "Over the River and Through the Wood!" What in the world?!? How can they not know these songs?!?
And then I realize...oh...I'm the music teacher. Hmmm...I guess it's MY job to teach them these songs. Did I learn them at school? Maybe. Church? Probably. Both? Most definitely.
So this week, we learned "Over the River and Through the Wood." No worries about teaching religion or anything like that. One second grader informed me, in a very knowledgable tone that spoke of great stupidity on his teacher's part, "That can't be a Thanksgiving song. There's a lot of snow and it doesn't snow on Thanksgiving." DUH! Oh, you poor Texas boy.
I asked the children to think of at least one thing they are thankful for. I didn't want to know what it was--just think of it in their heads. Then I asked them to raise their hands if they'd thought of at least one thing. In every. single. class. there was at least one child who didn't raise his/her hand. I would ask them, "You can't think of even one thing to be thankful for?" A (usually) sad shake of the head.
So I tried to give them ideas. The first time this happened, I asked, "Did you have breakfast this morning?" The answer, "No." OOPS! I switched to, "Did you have lunch today?" because they *all* eat lunch one way or another. Or, "Do you have clothes to wear? Can you be thankful for those things?" Trying to show them that they don't have to have huge houses or fancy cars or whatever in order to have things to be thankful for. I tried to stay away from family stuff because you just never know what's going on in their homes. And frankly, I don't want to know. I'd rather live in my happy little world where children are loved and disciplined appropriately.
I don't know why I was so surprised that so many children didn't know how to be thankful for the small things. Our society puts such a premium on the big things. Houses, cars, money, money, money, video games (the best and newest of course). I like all of those things. But what am I truly thankful for?
*A Heavenly Father who watches over me. Who loves me no matter how many mistakes I make. Who sent his Son to atone for me so that I could return to live with Him.
*A husband who works hard to provide for us--even if it means being away from us. No matter how many times things don't work out, he keeps pushing forward and trying.
*Three boys who are the light of my life. They are such complete individuals that it's hard to lump them all together. Chris is a rock--steady and strong. He reminds me a lot of my dad. James is everyone's friend. He wears his heart on his sleeve and wants anyone and everyone to be happy. John is a puzzle. He bounces from happy to sad to mad at the drop of a hat, but he's creative and funny and artistic.
*I'm even thankful for our dog who tracks in mud all the day long, hates having his feet cleaned and now insists on sleeping on my bed. But he's sweet and loving and he barks when people walk by--which is not a bad thing actually.
*I'm thankful for my job. It allows me to be home when the boys are home. I love working with the children--even when they frustrate me or anger me or sadden me. It's fun to watch them catch on to a concept they've been struggling with or just to enjoy the music.
*I'm thankful for parents who were and are great examples to me. I'm thankful that my dad is 91 years young and still healthy both mentally and physically.
*I'm especially thankful for a week off of school. The break is so needed by everyone--students and teachers alike--and it gives us a week to spend with Richard.
There's something uplifting about writing out all of the blessings in my life. It helps me to focus on those blessings instead of all that's wrong or annoying or whatever. This week I'm going to try to do that. Focus on the blessings--even the smallest ones. Sometimes the smallest ones are the greatest.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Here We Go Again...
All that change that I thought was happening? All that positive energy? All that "new adventure" idea? Not so much. Ugh. Right back to the same ole, same ole.
:::deep breath::: :::long prayer::: :::get moving on the day:::
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Personal Revelation
It's Stake Conference weekend. I have to admit - in years past Stake Conference has been "take Sunday off" weekend. But this year is different. Firstly, our ward was asked to participate in the choir. Secondly, our choir director and my good friend threw me under the bus and told the stake person that I could play the organ for our session. So...I don't really have a choice.
However, I think that these things happened in order to put me in the right frame of mind for going. I can't *not* go. I have jobs to do and so I have to be there. It's not something I can talk myself out of doing. And I'm really good at talking myself out of doing things that require any kind of personal sacrifice.
Last night was the adult session. We were warned early on that the adult session was taking place on Halloween night. The leadership realized that this would mean changing some plans for many of us and making some sacrifices. We had it a bit easier since we have an almost 16 yo who can take the younger boys trick-or-treating. Turned out that Richard didn't come home until yesterday afternoon, so he decided that he needed to spend time with the boys last night. He took them around the neighborhood and I went to conference.
Again, this is something that I've been hit or miss about attending, but for some reason this time, I felt--not really pushed to go--but that it was something I was supposed to do. It felt right.
And it was. At first, I was worried that I wasn't really going to get much out of it. The second speaker isn't much of a public speaker. I think he has good thoughts, but he just has trouble expressing them with any level of interesting vocal presentation. He spoke on kindness and the need for it. And considering how I've felt about work lately, it felt a lot like it was hitting right at me.
We also heard talks on fidelity, supporting and nurturing our homes and families, and teaching the next generation. Sister R's talk really smacked me right between the eyes. Hers was the talk on home and family and our jobs as mothers in Zion. Again, after the week I've had and the way that I've pretty much abdicated my role as mother this week, I felt very much called to repentance.
We all have times like I've had this week, but that doesn't mean that it's right. That doesn't mean that we don't need to pick ourselves back up and repent, then go forth to do a better job. And that's what I plan to do. I've repented. I've made a plan to do better. I'm making a schedule of when and how long I can be on the computer. (Never mind that I've been off and on all morning today. Oops.) I'll get back to FHE again. (I did really well the first month or so--which is still longer than I've ever done well before. That's something, right?) And...we're going to say morning prayers too. After Chris gets home from seminary and before he jumps in the shower. Those are my goals for this week. I'll add from there--hopefully.
Writing this down will hopefully help me to make it real. And, to all of my faithful readers (you know who you are), it's your job to help me be accountable. So...the goals this week: no computer in the morning, less in the evening, FHE, AM prayers--and I might even actually plan and cook a few meals. LOL
All that just from the adult session. Wonder what I'll get this afternoon.
However, I think that these things happened in order to put me in the right frame of mind for going. I can't *not* go. I have jobs to do and so I have to be there. It's not something I can talk myself out of doing. And I'm really good at talking myself out of doing things that require any kind of personal sacrifice.
Last night was the adult session. We were warned early on that the adult session was taking place on Halloween night. The leadership realized that this would mean changing some plans for many of us and making some sacrifices. We had it a bit easier since we have an almost 16 yo who can take the younger boys trick-or-treating. Turned out that Richard didn't come home until yesterday afternoon, so he decided that he needed to spend time with the boys last night. He took them around the neighborhood and I went to conference.
Again, this is something that I've been hit or miss about attending, but for some reason this time, I felt--not really pushed to go--but that it was something I was supposed to do. It felt right.
And it was. At first, I was worried that I wasn't really going to get much out of it. The second speaker isn't much of a public speaker. I think he has good thoughts, but he just has trouble expressing them with any level of interesting vocal presentation. He spoke on kindness and the need for it. And considering how I've felt about work lately, it felt a lot like it was hitting right at me.
We also heard talks on fidelity, supporting and nurturing our homes and families, and teaching the next generation. Sister R's talk really smacked me right between the eyes. Hers was the talk on home and family and our jobs as mothers in Zion. Again, after the week I've had and the way that I've pretty much abdicated my role as mother this week, I felt very much called to repentance.
We all have times like I've had this week, but that doesn't mean that it's right. That doesn't mean that we don't need to pick ourselves back up and repent, then go forth to do a better job. And that's what I plan to do. I've repented. I've made a plan to do better. I'm making a schedule of when and how long I can be on the computer. (Never mind that I've been off and on all morning today. Oops.) I'll get back to FHE again. (I did really well the first month or so--which is still longer than I've ever done well before. That's something, right?) And...we're going to say morning prayers too. After Chris gets home from seminary and before he jumps in the shower. Those are my goals for this week. I'll add from there--hopefully.
Writing this down will hopefully help me to make it real. And, to all of my faithful readers (you know who you are), it's your job to help me be accountable. So...the goals this week: no computer in the morning, less in the evening, FHE, AM prayers--and I might even actually plan and cook a few meals. LOL
All that just from the adult session. Wonder what I'll get this afternoon.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Love Languages
I finally figured out my love language. It's not supposed to be a long drawn-out process, but for me it was. I don't know why. But this week it finally hit me. My love language is "words of affirmation." I should've known this. I mean--I *am* a ham and love to be on stage and performing and hearing the applause. But for some reason, I kept thinking there had to be more to it than that. Nope. Words of affirmation. That's me!
Here's how it finally came crashing down into my brain. Last Thursday was our 3rd grade program. The kids were doing an instrumental program this time around. This was done partly because we have to do the program so stinkin' early in the year and partly to show off our fabulous Orff Carts that the PTA purchased for the music program. "Some people" thought they were a waste of money, so I decided to show everyone what a difference they can make. Because of the carts, I can actually use the barred instruments more often because it's not such a hassle getting them out for the kids.
So last Thursday night, the kids were set to perform for the PTA meeting. (That's a whole other story in itself!) We were informed about a week before that our superintendent would be attending and had a 15 minute presentation. Umm...okay. We'll go on after him.
(Words of affirmation. I know. I'm getting there.)
I didn't really expect Dr. R to stay for our program. Maybe he had another school to present to. Maybe he had a dinner date. Maybe his time is more valuable than mine. Whatever. He didn't stay. I would've been pleasantly surprised if he had, but I was not surprised that he didn't.
However...
The third graders performed that afternoon for the school. Our principal was not in attendance. She was in the building, but not at the assembly. She *was* there for the evening performance. She did not introduce us nor speak to the parents from the time I was in there. (I spent Dr. R's presentation time corralling 100 third graders in the gym with a little help from my fellow specials teachers.) After the presentation, she didn't say a word to me. She has never mentioned the program. At all. Not once.
Now...I know that I don't do programs for the applause. (Well, okay...maybe a little bit.)The kids did a FANTASTIC job. I was so very, very proud of them. And that's why I do what I do. It's not for the accolades and certainly not for the high paycheck. But...even a "good program" from the principal would go a long way toward me feeling better about what I do.
I don't expect to be the darling of the faculty. And many, many of my fellow teachers acknowledged what a great job the kids did. That's when I realized it. Words of affirmation. They make all the difference in how I feel about myself, what I do and who I am. That's what I need. Tell me I look pretty. Tell me the dinner is tasty. Tell me the house looks great or thank you for doing the laundry. Tell me I'm a good mom, wife, teacher, person. Yep...words of affirmation. I should probably pass along this revelation to Richard, huh?
Here's how it finally came crashing down into my brain. Last Thursday was our 3rd grade program. The kids were doing an instrumental program this time around. This was done partly because we have to do the program so stinkin' early in the year and partly to show off our fabulous Orff Carts that the PTA purchased for the music program. "Some people" thought they were a waste of money, so I decided to show everyone what a difference they can make. Because of the carts, I can actually use the barred instruments more often because it's not such a hassle getting them out for the kids.
So last Thursday night, the kids were set to perform for the PTA meeting. (That's a whole other story in itself!) We were informed about a week before that our superintendent would be attending and had a 15 minute presentation. Umm...okay. We'll go on after him.
(Words of affirmation. I know. I'm getting there.)
I didn't really expect Dr. R to stay for our program. Maybe he had another school to present to. Maybe he had a dinner date. Maybe his time is more valuable than mine. Whatever. He didn't stay. I would've been pleasantly surprised if he had, but I was not surprised that he didn't.
However...
The third graders performed that afternoon for the school. Our principal was not in attendance. She was in the building, but not at the assembly. She *was* there for the evening performance. She did not introduce us nor speak to the parents from the time I was in there. (I spent Dr. R's presentation time corralling 100 third graders in the gym with a little help from my fellow specials teachers.) After the presentation, she didn't say a word to me. She has never mentioned the program. At all. Not once.
Now...I know that I don't do programs for the applause. (Well, okay...maybe a little bit.)The kids did a FANTASTIC job. I was so very, very proud of them. And that's why I do what I do. It's not for the accolades and certainly not for the high paycheck. But...even a "good program" from the principal would go a long way toward me feeling better about what I do.
I don't expect to be the darling of the faculty. And many, many of my fellow teachers acknowledged what a great job the kids did. That's when I realized it. Words of affirmation. They make all the difference in how I feel about myself, what I do and who I am. That's what I need. Tell me I look pretty. Tell me the dinner is tasty. Tell me the house looks great or thank you for doing the laundry. Tell me I'm a good mom, wife, teacher, person. Yep...words of affirmation. I should probably pass along this revelation to Richard, huh?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Random Thoughts on a Rainy Wednesday
James is sick. It's not the flu or strep throat, but he's running fever, achy, sore throat, sniffles. Your garden-variety cold. I stayed home with him yesterday and today and will again tomorrow trying to get him fever-free for 24 hours.
But as I was taking our afternoon rest yesterday, I realized something. I was blissfully happy. I had dusted and vacuumed the downstairs, done the dishes and set up dinner. We'd eaten lunch and were lying on my bed reading. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm fall day. The windows were open and the breeze was blowing the curtains nicely. The neighbor's wind chimes were providing some lovely background music. Oh how I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) again.
Today...the weather has changed. It's a blustery, rainy, getting-chillier-by-the-minute fall day. And again...I'm loving it! I had to close the windows because it was starting to rain in, but I can still hear the rain outside. The dog is making quite a bit of noise chewing on his rawhide bone--but that keeps him from being bored and wanting to go in and out constantly in the rain. I decided not to mop the floors today--for the exact reason of the dog and the rain. (I'm never going to get them mopped if this keeps up!) We'll have some lunch soon, take a little rest and then bake some cookies. I'll still have time to pay the bills (yuck) and put together dinner. I might even vacuum and dust upstairs. Maybe.
It's not financially possible for me to be a SAHM. It's just not. And that's okay. My job as a teacher is the next best thing. I'm home when the boys are home usually. We're gone together usually. But...staying home this week with my sick boy (who's not so sick that he can't play on the computer or other video games--he's not tied to me 24/7) has reminded me of what my true calling is. I am a mother in Zion. I'm raising three stripling warriors. The pressures of working and running the home are crazy and I've learned to give where I can and need to. Maybe the floors don't get mopped, but the boys get fed, homework gets done, prayers get said. We play a game. We watch a movie. Or...we hang out in separate rooms of the house, but they know I'm here if they need or want me.
But this...today...this week...this is my dream. Maybe I'll run out and buy just one lottery ticket.
But as I was taking our afternoon rest yesterday, I realized something. I was blissfully happy. I had dusted and vacuumed the downstairs, done the dishes and set up dinner. We'd eaten lunch and were lying on my bed reading. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm fall day. The windows were open and the breeze was blowing the curtains nicely. The neighbor's wind chimes were providing some lovely background music. Oh how I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) again.
Today...the weather has changed. It's a blustery, rainy, getting-chillier-by-the-minute fall day. And again...I'm loving it! I had to close the windows because it was starting to rain in, but I can still hear the rain outside. The dog is making quite a bit of noise chewing on his rawhide bone--but that keeps him from being bored and wanting to go in and out constantly in the rain. I decided not to mop the floors today--for the exact reason of the dog and the rain. (I'm never going to get them mopped if this keeps up!) We'll have some lunch soon, take a little rest and then bake some cookies. I'll still have time to pay the bills (yuck) and put together dinner. I might even vacuum and dust upstairs. Maybe.
It's not financially possible for me to be a SAHM. It's just not. And that's okay. My job as a teacher is the next best thing. I'm home when the boys are home usually. We're gone together usually. But...staying home this week with my sick boy (who's not so sick that he can't play on the computer or other video games--he's not tied to me 24/7) has reminded me of what my true calling is. I am a mother in Zion. I'm raising three stripling warriors. The pressures of working and running the home are crazy and I've learned to give where I can and need to. Maybe the floors don't get mopped, but the boys get fed, homework gets done, prayers get said. We play a game. We watch a movie. Or...we hang out in separate rooms of the house, but they know I'm here if they need or want me.
But this...today...this week...this is my dream. Maybe I'll run out and buy just one lottery ticket.
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